15th White, 120 B.E.
So I suppose I start with where I am now? Or maybe how I got here. It really is all still fuzzy. It’s been a week since I came out of the forest. They say I was out of my mind, but I don’t remember anything, just flashes of color and this feeling of – of hatred. It’s all blurry, everything. But Blyra says that it’ll come back to me. She tells me I’m important somehow – a guide. I don’t know what that means. It’s all very irritating. I’ve been traveling with them for a while, this band of gypsies – of half orcs, humans, and gnomes. They say they’re heading for Xaviar. The name sounds familiar, and as it’s the most central kingdom of the continent we’re on it makes sense I’d remember that name.
But my own still evades me.
I hope that things start to piece together. Anyway, I suppose I should tell you what happened. Or at least what I know about it. Hopefully it will help me recall. Like I said, I remember just sounds and feelings – mostly negative. I was running fast, from something or to something. That part still bothers me. I came out into a bright light. Well, it was bright to me. Apparently it was just a campfire. My clothes were torn to shreds. They showed them to me. I was barely wearing anything. They’ve given me a set of robes to wear since then. I find them comfortable. They say they are just wayward travelers. They told me stories of some dark evil back west they’ve been running from, that generations have been running from for many years. Of lands destroyed and continents turned black with the manipulation and corruption of every kindom, one by one. And they say Gred is their hope. Then they told me about Xaviar, how the Kingdom was nearly destroyed. The King mortally injured, whole towns obliterated in an instant by some massive weapon controlled by a twice-dead evil wizard. I have to say it does seem significant to me, like I was involved somehow, but I cant remember details. I hope I was a good guy.Anyway, Blyra, the Seer, says that he broke the stone – whatever that means. Something to do with this great evil and how it’s gonna try to finish the job, take over Gred. She also says that there are heroes and kingdoms working to prevent it, and that it was no chance meeting that we came across each other. Xaviar is going to be different now is what they say. The city rebuilt is taking in those that have no home. Sounds like a good place for me. I’m getting tired now. I’ll write more tomorrow.
16th White, 120 BE
Today I learned I could do magic! There were lessons being taught to the young ones. Nino, the half-orc woman who serves as the teacher was showing them the symbols of the gods. She pulled out a small token in the shape of a longsword – that of Iomedae – the goddess of justice and honor. I felt drawn to it. I took it from the ground and I don’t know what happened, only that it glew. It glew so brightly that I had to shield my eyes. Nino told me that I had just cast the light spell. And that clearly Iomedae held some special meaning to me. Maybe I was a paladin or a knight. She winked at me when she said this, so I think she might have been kidding. I’m not of a strong build. I think it more likely I might be some sort of cleric or priest. Anyway, it’s the first glimpse I’ve had of my past and I won’t pass up the opportunity to learn more. I should sleep tonight, but I borrowed Nino’s book on the gods. I intend on reading up on Iomedae. I hope it brings back something.
22nd White, 120 BE
Over the last week I’ve casted several spells. It’s not that my memory has come back to me as such, but things that must have been natural, like casting and spell words – those have come the easiest. I also had a dream last night. I was in the woods, running. There were people, children, they were in a panic behind me. Someone was egging me on, telling me to go after something. “Donnie Kizito! He’s getting away!” I remember running as fast as I could. I don’t know what I was running after, but I think obviously it didn’t end well for me. At least I have a name. Or the hope of one. Donnie Kizito. No one here has any idea of the lineage of this name. So I don’t yet know where I might be from. I hope I can get more answers in Xaviar.
25th White, 120 BE
We came to a city today called Cabresh. And that is where it happened – This is where it happened. I REMEMBERED. I remembered everything. Oh gods. What have I done? I can’t go on with them back to Xaviar. I’ve said my goodbyes.I can’t face my old life, not now. I can’t face them. They know what happened. Donnie. Kizito. Rowan and the others. The ones who have saved me twice before.
1st Moon, 120 BE
It’s been four days, and I guess now it’s time. This diary is my confession, so I hope it holds that I can put my soul into it.
First, I threw out the token Nino gave me. The symbol of Iomedae. I couldn’t face a god of honor when I’m a coward who When I’m a coward who killed his best friend. Who — ate his best friend. Iomedae forgive me. Edward – forgive me. You were my brother.
Suli was just a stop on the way, check out the town that was destroyed.. imagine our surprise when we found it still there. I was rescued, but not before being bad things were done to me. Very bad. I was tortured. Elliot though. I don’t know what happened to Elliot. It’s been destroyed for good now though. Thank the gods for the bisons.
Whatever was happening in that town I will never forgive myself, or Arc’El. That bastard did this. His weapon. That was our last mission. To get to Fort Stiles and try to figure out what we could about Arc’El and what he was digging up there. We found out it was the site of some old ruins, which is why the fort was built there. Arc’El was digging something up. Our research indicated that it was a set of standing stones. One of four sites around Gred – each placed there by some ancient peoples far before Benralin and his forces came over the land and started the older Kingdoms. Onic – the wizard, one of them we trusted, he was guarding one set. There’s a druid guarding the set in Glitterwood. The last one has been kept secret.
I wonder if I should destroy them – these stones, the way the one at Stiles was destroyed. But then I hear about the monstrous breach that it created, and it stays me from that idea. I can’t cause more harm than good. I’ve done too much damage already. But I have renewed purpose. I probably would have killed myself immediately after my memories came back, but the way it all happened prevents me from it.
When we arrived in town, well, that day day a girl came up to me. She didn’t give her name, but she told me she recognized me from some time I’d visited Kent. She said her and her master were searching the Glitterwood and found this scroll. Or a portion of it. She showed it to me and I nearly fainted. As soon as I touched the paper my memories came back, and I knew what it was. It was a piece of the Ressurection scroll. The one that Arc’El had used to come back. This piece was unaltered, unlike the portions that Wexton and the others had brought back from Rovagug’s temple. This didn’t have any taint on it. It was pure magic though, and stronger than anything I’ve felt in my hands before.
She told me I had to get it to her brother, one of the Bison Lords everyone is telling me about, the ones who helped defeat Arc’El. My friends.
After the shock and trauma of gaining my memories, and my obvious dramatic reaction, she seemed hesitant to leave it with me. If it weren’t for the fact that she was in some sort of hurry of her own, that she couldn’t give it to him herself and she was desperate – then I don’t think I would have been her choice of bearer. But she did, and I promised to get it to Allvar.
But I think I’m going to break that promise.
I don’t know if I’m the same person any more. The King knew. He knew what Arc’El was after. The power that the standing stones bring. I understood the secrecy, but now that I know Arc’El was destroyed, but at the cost of the King being wounded by the hordes of undead. I can’t trust even him now.
I don’t have anyone. I can’t face my friends.I came to Cabresh and told everyone my name was Donnie Kizito. Everyone calls them the Shaman Lord and Giant Fist here, so I don’t think it’s a problem to hide myself using their true names. This may be a new start for me. I’ve got to come up with a plan. I’ve got to keep these thoughts of suicide at bay and make up for my actions. Do some sort of good for the world. I’ve got to make up for things. Right?
I would pray, but I don’t think I can face her. Oh what I’ve done!